Scheiße

Londoners can spot out Americans almost instantly: fact. I thought we would all in blend in together; however, when us Americans do certain actions or dress a certain way, we place ourselves with a huge target waiting to be thrown at. Though this may sound scary, it's actually a wicked fun game.

Game you may ask? Well, I call it a game because I've made a list (to myself that I will share with the world) of things Pete shouldn't do if trying to fit in as a resident Londonee. We'll call it the TPSDITTFIAARL list for short. Actually, that's hard to remember. Screw it. It's now called Code Scheiße.

Here are the rules to Code Scheiße:

Rule #1: When crossing the street, abide by the rules. Simple right? Eh, not so much for a Masshole like myself. We Bostonians are notorious for not paying attention when walking, looking the complete opposite direction, taking our sweet-ass time walking, and of course J-walking. In order to fit in as a resident and not look like a complete moron, it is important to simply read what the road tells you to do. It's actually pretty much stupid proof! When the street tells you "Look to your right," you should probably look to the right side.

Continuing with Rule #1, it is important to look for crosswalks when attempting to cross the street (no shit huh?). Anyways, you may think you're crossing the street with no cars coming, but as long as that little green man ain't shining (that's right, it's green instead of white in London), you probably shouldn't take your chances on main roads. Taxis thoroughly enjoy driving as fast as they can to almost hit morons who think he/she can cross the street at any time. Don't be that guy (or girl). Plain and simple, listen to what the street is telling you. It's correct more than 99.9% of the time.

Rule #2: Remember you speak English too. Intrigued, eh? There's a story for this one. While going to pick up groceries at Stainberry (it's not actually Stainberry, but I always forget what it's called. Over it), my friends and I decided to pay for our groceries using the self-checkout. Thinking that it has to work the same as Shaws back in the Bean, I begin to scan all my groceries and bag them up. Mind that the set up is LITERALLY the same set up as back in America with these self-checkouts. So all the groceries are scanned and bagged, and it's time to pay for them. Since I had just taken out pounds at the atm, I was not going to use my debit card to avoid dumb charges from the American bank which will remain unnamed (hint: Citizens). I go to press the button that says "Pay With Cash," and it tells me there's an error. The red light starts flashing above my checker-outter, and then comes this frightening older looking version of Betty White (Betty is a babe compared to this sucker).

Upon arrival, she starts muttering this weird version of British lingo that I had never heard before. She looks at me and points to this paper about the size of a kit-kat bar that says "CARD ONLY." Oops. Feeling a little dumb at my lack of observance, I click the cancel button on the screen to cancel the purchase and she begins to tell me "NO NO NO." Double oops. She then took my groceries and put them all in one bag and walked away. Confused. So I decided to go to a different self check out and start scanning my groceries again (this time I checked to make sure I could use cash). As I'm about to pay for my food, Betty comes over and starts 'NO NO NO-ing" again. Oh boy. She brings my bag over to this nice cashier's station, then turns at me to grimace. As she walks away, she told the cashier "HE DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH." Que?

The cashier lady ended up being very nice, and I was able to buy my groceries with my pounds.

Rule #3: Carry Your Weight. This is referring to the London currency Pounds just to clarify. Basically, if you know what you're going to spend your money on, prepare it ahead of time. This way, it looks like you know what you're actually doing! For example, you know the Bus fair is going to be 2.20 lbs, so get your shiny coins out and count it out BEFORE you get on the bus. Example B, a pint is commonly 3.70 lbs at bars, so bring that amount with you. When you always have the right amount of money, everyone assumes you know what you're doing. It's great! Don't be a rook and stand there trying to figure out how many pence are in your hand in the dark bar with strobe lights and a huge crowd. All you'll do is look like a strug-bus. Get your

helmet son.

So those are basically the rules to this new game. The reason why its called Code Scheiße is simply because if you commit any of these game felonies, you along with everyone in your group of friends who know you're struggin' can shout 'Scheiße!' and it makes you feel a lot better about yourself looking like a newb.

Getting away from this game, last night was quite the adventure. Me and my friends decided to check out a bar called the Blues Bar. It was a smaller but nice space that had friendly workers and good entertainment. Great thing about going out on a Tuesday is that there is no entrance charge either. We enjoyed some classic rock hits, and some original music from this three man band of about 50 years of age. Even though they were older, they were still very entertaining!

After they took a break, my roommate and I decided to chill outside a bit and socialize with the locals. Right away we meet a younger couple and begin conversation. The guy was a London resident while his girlfriend was from Brazil. How we found out they were dating was one of the funniest parts of the night. She introduced herself, and said to us "This is my boyFRENCH." Oh, okay. Bahahaha!

We started talking more, and then Brazil started to give us her best American accent impression. Assuming she was attempting her American Biddie, she stated "Oh my COD you are so pretty.' Well, she fit the biddie role well as informed her that cod is a great fish and is very popular where I'm from. Drunk off her ass, she rolled hysterically on the ground and the rest of us, including, her boyfrench, shared more laughs.

For the rest of the night, me and my friends kept making friends with the local crowd and found that London is an incredible city for its pride. The people of London love their city, and they only have good things to say about it. Not only do they love their city, but they certainly love their football! Many of the locals ranged in favorite clubs, from Arsenal, to Tottenham, to Fulham. The pride of every individual in this city is very memorable, and I am wicked lucky to have this opportunity. To everyone I met last night, cheers to you.